Paradise (Cold and Lonely)
For me, having a really high blood sugar usually means behaving cold and lonely. Insensitively shunning the people around me and just wanting to be left to myself to wallow in my craptastic day. I feel lousy and tired, and just want to sleep on it until I finally come down.
But — stop right there — on the way home from work today, a song came on the radio that reminded me of a different time. A time when I was younger, barely seventeen, and certainly not in as good control with my diabetes as I am now. My A1C back then was in the double digits — and I’m not talking about what comes after the decimal point.
You know how it is when you hear a song that brings you to an earlier time? Well this song brought be back over twenty years. But still, I remember every little thing, as if it happened only yesterday. Myself and three of my friends were sitting in my red 1984 Subaru driving back from Six Flags Great Adventure, and a Meat Loaf song came on the radio. My blood sugar was soaring, probably in the three- or maybe even four-hundreds.
But open up your eyes, I got a big surprise. I felt alright. Better than alright, actually, I felt great! Not only was my blood sugar high, but I felt “high”. Euphoric. Uninhibited. As happy as could be. The four of us were singing along to the music, drowning out the radio. And me, typically the shy one of the bunch, was singing loudest of all.
Back then, in my teen and pre-teen years, having a high blood sugar was a truly great feeling. It felt like paradise.
My parents recognized the signs. They knew that when I was high (still referring to BG, lest you think otherwise), my behavior was inexplicably and uncharacteristically jubilant. I was an absolute pleasure, and they loved seeing me so happy, despite the potential long-term complications that I may have been feeding. They knew for sure and didn’t need a meter to tell them. Ain’t no doubt about it.
I’m not sure when it all changed. Maybe when I started taking better care of myself and those 300 mg/dls were no longer “normal” to me, they made me feel sick rather than smile. Maybe I took the initiative to beating myself up over my lousy control mentally, and let Mother Nature do the rest physically.
But I’ll tell you this, in no uncertain terms: these days, I hate the feeling that comes with a high blood sugar.
So, tell me (I gotta know right now!!), do you – or your kids with diabetes feel happier with sky-high blood sugars? Did you (they) ever feel that way sometime in the past?