I wish I had known

After writing this yesterday as a reply to a discussion on TuDiabetes titled “I wish I had (known)  – I wish I did”, I decided that it merits a blog post here on RITD.  Click the link in this paragraph to read the discussion and other responses, and if you’d like, leave your own contributions in the comments.

---

I wish I had known that, back in elementary and high school, kids could be cruel no matter what. That different people mature at different times, and kids with diabetes mature sooner only out of necessity.

I wish I had known that pretending to be something or someone I’m not is an enormously wasted effort. That years later, nobody will care. That those who spend their entire lives making others feel bad, inferior, or threatened never had the time to work on bettering themselves, and they’re the ones who end up with a depressing adult life.

I wish I had known that the harder you fight diabetes, the more you defy it, the harder it fights back. That it takes much less energy to take care of diabetes than it does to get angry with it.

I wish I had known better than to try to go to work the morning after a pass-out-on-the-floor, middle-of-the-night low.

I wish I had known that my doctor is not there to grade me, and that cheating by faking numbers in a logbook helps no one. That he won’t give me a gold star for a job well done, nor will he scold me if I need improvement. He’s there to help, and for him to do his job, I need to be honest.

I wish I had known that I need to be honest with who I am and the hand I’ve been dealt. Always. That, while that cheesecake looks mighty tempting, I’d pay for it it later.

I wish I had known how many carbs were in that cheesecake.

I wish I had known what a great endo is like before going through several mediocre ones.

I wish I had known that diabetes has the power to make friendships, not break friendships.

I wish I had known that, as much as I thought I knew about diabetes, that I would never know it all. It’s been over thirty years so far, and I’m still learning something new every day.

Despite all these wishes, I have no regrets.