Do as I say, not as I do

One of the inherent dangers of an online community talking about health management is that there is no oversight by anyone with real, certifiable knowledge.  Some of the stuff that I talk about or that I do (or talk about doing), are directly contrary to medically accepted practices.  Remember, just because I do it, don’t try this at home.  For instance:

Don’t combine test strips from different vials.  If you’re leaving the house with two strips left, take an extra vial so you can enjoy the bulk and the “sounds like Tic-Tacs” sound.  Don’t put the two remaining strips with the next 25.

Don’t change your infusion set at night. It is much better to do it in the morning, tired and bleary eyed, when the kids are screaming and you’re running late for work.  You’re more likely to screw it up that way, but at least you’ll know.

Don’t put your CGM sensor in your arm.  The United States has a federal law* against that one.

Don’t reuse lancets. Well, duh.

When treating a low, eat three whole glucose tablets. Then take out your Ginsu knife and, overcoming sweat and tremors, cut another tablet into four equal size pieces.  Eat three.  The “Rule of 15” doesn’t recognize that YDMV.

Don’t drain blisters with insulin syringes.  You probably shouldn’t pierce ears with them, either.

If your blood glucose is over 240 mg/dl, immediately test for ketones. Regardless of what you’ve eaten or how much insulin you think you’ve taken.

If your showing ketones, call your doctor. Even if it’s 3am and a quick rescue-bolus will fix it.

Always compare your meter calibration code with the number on your test strip vial.  Even if every vial you’ve had for the last three years reads 25, they might change it, just to see if you’re paying attention.

Use your control solution to check every new test strip vial.  You can find control solution at the bottom of your nightstand drawer, underneath the alcohol swabs, contact lens solution, cobwebs, and that traffic ticket that you hid from your spouse in 2006.

Always test your blood sugar before driving.  Don’t rely on your CGM.

Always test before a bolus or a snack. Don’t rely on your CGM.

Don’t bolus while driving.  Either via pump, pen, or syringe.  But if you can manage to steer with your knees, you might get away with it.

Don’t believe what you read in blogs.  Bloggers are stupid and lack the credentials of educated professionals.  Experience counts for nothing.

Turn off the wireless connection between your meter and your pump while flying.  On a plane, that is. If you’re flying by flapping your arms, adjust your temporary basal downward to 20%

Log everything.  Every bolus. Every site change.  Every cup of coffee.  Every fingerstick.  Every bit of stress, exercise, or sleep.  Every gray hair.**

Did I miss any?


* It’s not really a law.

** This reminds me of the day in 1981 or 1982 when I got an Atari video game system as a gift, and my father wrote “Scott’s Atari” in my log book.  My endo was completely baffled when he saw it, and gave my father a look which said “Why would you write something like that in here?”. 


This post was recognized as a Best of the ‘Betes Blog for “Best Use of Humor” in July 2012.
Nominate your favorite diabetes blog posts each month! Visit www.bestbetesblogs.com to find out how.

Posted on July 16, 2012, in Diabetes, Humor and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Thank you for my Monday morning laugh! I refused to carry two test strip vials…. ever. I throw the extra 3-10 in with the next 50!

    Also, you should never open a blister package or pop balloons with a lancet.

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  2. I LOVE this. Regrettably I spit out a little coffee at “flying by flapping your arms”. Great post Scott. I would add always clean your finger with alcohol before checking your BG (but saliva is clean right?).

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  3. Omg I am dying laughing!! And I have done almost all of those things you listed – on my own accord, of course. But that was HI-Larious.

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  4. lovehatediabetes

    Scott! You cease to amaze me again. Your posts are always so great (this one especially funny). Loved it :) I’m sure most diabetics have done ALL of these :) Thanks again!

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  5. Those people who wear arm sensors are totally cray-cray. ;)

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  6. LOL . . . I love this!!! And of course, being the perfect PWD I always follow all of those rules . . . . . NOT!!

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  7. Don’t reuse lancets? How many times? Thanks for the laugh!

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  8. LOL about to be in trouble for reading blogs at work- Snort laughing coffee across the office gave me away….

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